Greg

The past week and a half has been quite the adventure, to say the least. Friday was Greg's birthday. Saturday we had his birthday/going away party at our house. On top of this big event, Greg also moved in with us. His party got off to a slow start. However, bit by bit people began to show up. We ended the evening with a trip to the pool and some wii. It turned out to be a nice evening.

Wednesday Greg & I got out of the house early and were off to the Dr for his surgery. I then waited for hours for him to be ready to take home. Thankfully, I had Greg's newly purchased iphone to keep me entertained. I ended up draining the battery. I got the 3 of us lunch and got Greg settled in while J.R. was a saint and rushed around attempting to get Greg's prescription filled.

We finally were able to settle that and raced off to Danielle's graduation. We had dinner with the family after then collapsed once we got home. It was a long day.

The next week flew by with Greg recovering from surgery rather quickly. Before I knew it I was packing up his car getting as much as I possibly could into the thing. (And yes I did the packing because I knew I could get more into it then he could.) I was rather impressed at how much I was able to stuff in there. Wednesday afternoon J.R. Greg and I went to In n Out for Greg's last meal in CA (for the time being at least). We then said our goodbyes and he was off to Texas. It was really difficult and saddening to see him go. I most definitely miss him. But I am excited to see what the future and God have for him.

Christmas Already?

I can't believe that Christmas is a week away! This month has flown by. I'm just about done Christmas shopping which is great. Once I'm done the wrapping will start. We've kept things pretty low key this year. We obviously can't afford to go all out. But I'm ok with that. Besides the whole presents thing is not why I love this time of year. My tree has been up since the day after Thanksgiving. I love it!

Ok so that is a picture from last year as you can see there are presents and I just said I hadn't wrapped any yet. But nothing has changed from last year as we have an artificial tree and we have no camera at the moment.

Not too much has happened in the last couple of weeks. I did finish my creative writing class. I'll be honest I didn't put my full effort into the class after the first couple of weeks. I'm sure I squeaked by with a B. I should have gotten an A. I would have gotten an A if I had really tried. But they are right when they say its hard to go back to school. I didn't think it would be for me but it really was getting back into the swing of having assignments due and that sort. I'm used to giving out assignments not doing them. :) So that's over and done with. I'm glad I did it. I did learn a lot. But I'm also very glad its over with.

As far as working, well, that hasn't been going too well. If you remember a few months back I said I had a job. I was very excited about it. And I do have a job. It just doesn't do much good if you aren't actually working. That's right. They haven't given me any students yet so even though I have a job, I'm not working. That sucks. We are still muddling through and God is continuing to be a faithful provider.

We are looking into moving. Where we aren't sure. We're praying about that one. We don't know if we are supposed to move into a place locally that is a little cheaper (though we'd really like it if our landlady would drop our rent, we'll see about that one. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to lose us as renters. But I also know she's pretty cheap.) We'll just have to see what God has in store for us. I'm excited and anxious about it. I just want some answers already. :)

Finally, the last few weeks my family has been in a mad rush to plan a quick trip. My mom got news that her dad wasn't doing too well. She's been telling me for months that she feels like she needs to go see her dad. So that phone call from her mom sealed the deal. The day after Christmas we are borrowing the church van (thank God for that!) and heading to Colorado. Pray that the roads will be clear for us. We definitely don't want to have to drive through the snow and ice.

It's been over 8 years since we've gone to see my grandparents. The last (and only time) they came to see us was when I graduated from grad school. Yep that's right they didn't even show up for my wedding. I don't totally blame them. The travel is really difficult on them and my grandmother freaks out at the traffic here. They live in a little town out in the country so Southern California is a huge change.

It's going to be a big surprise. My uncle (who I haven't seen since I was 10) is going to be there. My aunt has decided to go as well. Some of my cousins might even show up which would be nice. The more the better. I'm also pretty excited about showing J.R. around Colorado. That has always been home for my family (even though I haven't lived there since I was 4.) He's never been and it's just so beautiful.

So that's what's been going on with me the last few weeks. There are a few more things. But I'll get to them later.

God's Provision

Throughout this whole situation of my not having a job, I've been nervous. I've wondered how we are going to get through this. I wonder when a job will come along. It's not easy feeling like your entire life is at a standstill. But I know God works through ALL things. I know that He is using this time to teach J.R. and I some lessons and to cause us to grow. That's usually not an easy thing. So I'm trying to learn what I can (as fast as I can) so I can move on to the next step.

In the midst of all my questions God continues to tell me one thing. He keeps telling me "I am your provider." Everytime I start to worry and wonder, God steps in and says, "I am your provider." It's been wonderful to hear that time and time again. I'll be honest, it doesn't stop me from worrying all the time. But it does give me a peace of mind to know that God is my provider no matter what circumstances in life may come.

It is one thing to hear that God is my provider. However, living and walking that out can be difficult. Over the past few weeks God has proved His faithfulness to J.R. and I time and time again. Some of these are just small little things. Others are huge. Either way they are reminders that what God says is true and that He will provide for us. So I just wanted to take a minute to give praise to my God that has provided for us. I also want to get this down in writing so I won't forget his every provision.

For example:

1. A few weeks ago J.R. and I were at a Bible study. During that time, we prayed as a group that I would find a job and that God would provide for our needs. When we got home there was a message on the machine offering me $200 to be involved in a survey. Woo Hoo!
2. Over the past almost 2 weeks, J.R. and I have had to pay for a total of 3 dinners for ourselves. The rest of the time we have been to friends and family for dinner. That has definitely saved us quite a bit of money.
3. My mom has been wanting me to do a website for her cake company for a LONG time. She finally got my dad to get all her pictures uploaded so I could work on it. I finished it last week. On our weekly hang out time (my mom has Friday's off so we usually spend some time together. It's been really nice.), she gave me a card thanking me for all my hard work and $100. Amazing!
4. At church on Sunday, a friend of mine walked up to me during our time of offering. (Our church does offering in a rather unusual way. I love it! Rather than having buckets passed around, people bring their offering and place them in buckets in front of the church. It's not about showing off that you are giving or the pastors checking to make sure you are giving. It's seen as an act of worship to bring your offering to God. I think it's cool.) Anyway. She came up to me and gave me a hug. She shoved something in my hand and quickly said, "I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do." Then she rushed off. She had given me a check for $100. I began crying. (As I'm writing this I began to cry again.) I was so touched because I know they don't have a lot of money. But I know that they were being obedient to God. I knew God was taking care of us. Because of her gift and the money my mom gave me, we were able to make rent this month. We wouldn't have otherwise.

Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the
ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are
all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many
sparrows.

~ Matthew 10:29-31

I Have A Plan!

Or at least I hope I do. I'm sure my plan won't be as inspirational as Martin Luther King's famous speech or as devious as some cartoon criminal. That title has been rolling around in my head for the past two days and it always makes me think of those two things, which is kind of funny considering they are almost polar opposites. Anyway, enough of my lame attempt at wit and on to the PLAN.

Thursday I was being lazy (as usual) and decided to look up the requirements of the Graduate program I am looking into. I have been thinking about going back for a few weeks now but I was silly and never looked to make sure I could even get into such a program. One of the requirements is 18 units of non-freshman English. I figured I wouldn't have a problem with that but I checked on my transcripts just to make sure. Wouldn't you know I miss that requirement by 3 little units, one measly little class. Now I'm sure I could still get into the program because there are a couple of competency courses that I need to take. However, school is supposed to start in about a week and a half. That's all a bit quick to get everything done to start by then.

So rather than stress myself out I had a great idea. I went online and found myself a Beginning Fiction Writing class. It sounds like fun, it would give me those 3 little units and the best thing of all? It's online. Perfect. So I immediately applied for the community college and am awaiting their approval so I can register for the class. The amazing thing about all this? I didn't talk to J.R. to see what he thought. I didn't call my mom to get her advice. I didn't hem and haw about it and over analyze it. I just went for it. So very unlike me.

At this point the plan was to take this one class and use this semester to prepare for starting school in the spring. It just felt like things were clicking into place. Yes, I still don't have a job but at least I have some semblance of a plan. Then I called my mom and told her of my wonderful plan. She was happy about it and thought it was a great idea. A few minutes later she called me back after talking to her boss/friend, D. D had the most wonderful idea and I truly believe it may have been from God. She told my mom that I should look into getting a job at the school I'm hoping to attend.

I initially was a little hesitant. I had already looked at possible jobs at this school and really hadn't found anything. However, I think I may have been so focused on teaching and hadn't quite let that idea go and I completely missed a great job. The job is an enrollment advisor. I can't even been to express how excited I am about this job. When I was doing my undergrad work, I worked in the Registrar's Office at my school. I loved my job there. It was probably my favorite job, aside from teaching. So when I saw this job it seemed like a perfect fit. I would still be able to work with students, but this time college students. Teaching college has been a goal of mine before I even began teaching my first day. I realize this isn't really teaching college but I will be working with students. All those thoughts of somehow losing part of my identity because I'm not teaching flew out the window with the prospect of this job.

I am really so very excited about the prospect of this job. Another added bonus is that I may be able to go to school there for FREE if I get this job. I wasn't too sure about this when I heard it, but I have a friend that works there and according to some she has said she and her family can attend for free. How amazing is that? It just feels like things are finally clicking into place and its a very exciting time not just in my life but also in the lives of my entire family. I had been dragging my feet getting my resume done. I really felt daunted by the task of finding a new job. So I was taking my sweet time. When I found out about this position I immediately finished up my resume and applied as quickly as I could.

I don't know how everything will work out. I don't even know 100% if this is what God has for me. But something in me tells me this is it. My excitement alone and the fact that things just seem to be clicking into place seem to serve as evidence. So here's hoping that this is what path and plan I'm supposed to take. I sure hope it is. And honestly even if it's not I'll be ok. As long as I am in God's plan for my life I know I'll be fine. It just feels good to finally feel like I have some sort of direction.

Back to School?

Today J.R. and I were walking through the store and we passed the back to school section. As much as I love all those fresh new school supplies and as much as I must look through them every.single.time, I am saddened this year. Saddened because it looks more and more like I will not be teaching this year. I am at a loss of what to do with myself. I feel lost. As we were looking at all the wonderful school supplies, I told J.R. I wanted to go back to school. He said, "well then go." I stopped and said, "no I'm serious, I really want to go back to school." He said, "I know you do so just go." Just like that? I was a bit at a loss at that point. I told him it would mean taking on a lot of loan money. He said, "so what, just go."

I've been talking about going for a long time. But it was always "someday." Now that "someday" may possibly be here, I'm a little nervous and scared. I definitely don't feel comfortable making such a life altering decision so quickly. I have to many questions, some understandable, others completely irrational. How can we afford this? Do we really need to go further into debt for this? What will I do for a job? (Well, that's a question irregardless.) Can I actually do this?

The thing is I'm scared of going back. I realize this is an irrational fear but it is a fear nonetheless. So it seems I am at a crossroads at the moment. The biggest question of all here is whether or not this is God's will and timing. I am excited and scared all at the same time.

A New Path?

Over the past few months, my pastor has had different people in the church teach lessons on Wednesday night services. I somehow was volunteered to do so. Just great. I wasn't too fearful as I was towards the end of a very long list of people that were volunteered just like myself. (Basically, my pastor went through a meeting and said you and you and you and you.) Imagine my surprise when I found out I was teaching Ch. 19. Ch. 19!! Are you kidding me? There were 30-40 people on that list. How on earth did I wind up at Ch. 19!

So last night was my turn to teach. I'm not ashamed to tell you I was flipping out. I was so scared of getting up in front of 100+ adults and teaching them anything. Who am I to teach all these adults anything? I still feel like a kid half the time. I was shaking from all the adrenaline (and am shaking even now as I think back). I was given the chapter I was to teach almost two months ago. So I had plenty of time to prepare. But if you've learned anything about me, you know I'm a procrastinator big time. I did read it that first time, I cried. This chapter was meant for me. God was the one that moved me to this spot in the list. I was meant to teach this chapter. Knowing this, however, did not calm my fears.

Last week I began my preparation and took a few minutes to read through it again and look up some scriptures. Then a few days ago I began making notes for myself on what I wanted to talk about and verses I wanted to read to go along with the teaching. I am so glad I was able to take yesterday off. I was able to spend most of the day reading through and familiarizing myself even more with my lesson. I also prayed and prayed and prayed. My mom and I were in constant communication as I kept asking her if everything looked good. She assured me it looked great.

The time finally came for me to teach. I was shaking. This was made very obvious by the fact that I had to hold a microphone, something I completely despise. I started off in a jumble of words. I noticed my parents mouthing to me "slow down." So I took a deep breath and slowed down. From that point on things went fantastic (except when the mic died and I had to wait for them to find a replacement, but I maintained my composure.) There was one point in the lesson that spoke about Sarah believing in the promise of God to give her a child. I had to stop for a minute to compose myself as I began to cry. At that point, my pastor said, "This is why you were supposed to teach this." I nodded in agreement.

After a few minutes, I relaxed and got into a flow. I know that God's anointing was on me because there is no way I could have done so well on my own. I must admit I rocked. I had many many people come up to me and J.R. after the service telling me what a great job I did. One lady told me that she hadn't been too excited about going on Wednesday nights anymore because she wasn't being fed. However, she was having a difficult time getting her daughter to go to youth. So she felt guilty about making her daughter go and then going grocery shopping instead. So she decided to stay. She told me thank you so much, you fed me tonight. That meant so much to me that my teaching had touched someone.

My pastor came up to me later and told me what a great job I did. I admit I was very nervous about his reaction. There have been a few people that have done a poor job and he has not made his disappointment unknown to others. He said I did such a good job he wants me to teach on a Sunday morning. Yeah I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon. J.R. and my parents haven't stopped fawning over me and what a good job I did. While the appreciation is, well, appreciated I don't want to get a big head over all this. I'm trying to take all the praise in stride. My mom was amazed that I spoke with such authority. She wrote me an email today. She told me that I blew everyone away because I am such a quiet person yet when I got up there I spoke with such authority and confidence. She wants to get the CD of it so my brother can listen to it. I'll admit I won't be sad if I never listen to it.

So it was a success and I'm still flying high from the experience. I've always known I was created to be a teacher (which is why with all the frustrations I face, I love my job). However, doing this I felt totally fulfilled. I feel like I am stepping into something new (and scary I might add) that God has in store for me. I'll admit I'm not exactly sure where this might take me but I'm excited to see what journey the Lord is going to take me on.